Jealousy

[Nellie O.]

Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?

This has been pretty prevalent in my life, lately, so I thought I'd start a discussion about it.

What does FW think about jealousy in relationships?  Is it damaging, healthy?  Is it ever appropriate, or is it always a signal of more toxic issues between the two people?

[KristineGreylight]

Jealousy is a motivator for everyone it seems.  Its part of the human equation that just is there.  Its something many are ashamed of and yet none have gone without feeling. 

In a relationship I think, and this is strictly opinion, that a certain level of jealousy is a good thing.  It lets us know how much we care about and want the other person.  But to be honest how much is good or bad depends on the kind of relationship.  So in my opinion its relative.  If one has a fairly open relationship then jealousy will be a big issue.  If ones relationship is closed, well it might be time to investigate why we're having such issues.

[Cheeky Stoat]

I think jealously is not good in relationships and revolves almost entirely around trust. Do you trust your partner to be honest and tell you truthfully that they have not slept with anyone?  If yes then there's nothing to be jealous about, if not then you get to jealousy because you can't trust who you're with to tell you the truth.

Personally I think jealousy has no place in a relationship.  There are plenty of healthier ways of showing affection in a relationship.

[Fen]

Jealousy in general is bad. But in the slightest of tones, and the appropriate direction one takes with it. It can be a great motivator to help better the relationship. Or at least find out that the other partner simply doesn't care anymore. Though this can just as easily backfire, so I'll stick with Jealousy is something that is bad. But shouldn't be held as a secret from your partner.

[Bellatrix]

Jealousy, like kris said, can be good to some degree, but too much than there is an obvious trust issue between the partners. But like they all said jealousy is bad, and if you are feeling jealous then it is something you need to address to your self as well as your partner. As in, not just tell them, but tell them and seek how to fix it if it is repairable and worth fixing of course.

Perhaps one has trust issues in the past thus making it harder for them to trust and again making them jealous, the issue that is making said person be jealous would need to be addressed, not just the problem that is, its the why that truly matters.

[Box]

Catfood.

[Lattenmon]

Old topic, but just kinda pitching in, myself.

Jealousy can be an indicator of a few different things, whether it be self-esteem or tragic events in one's past, things that the mind can not or will not move past or try to resolve.

In myself, I know that I do feel jealous over how people can hold a conversation for hours, or that they have a particular relationship going with some people, or that they have relationships at all.

I know I have quirks and shortcomings, and jealousy is more or less an indicator of things that I see as being shortcomings in myself, fears, and regrets in my own life.

So, knowing that, I can use my jealousy, with proper application of conversation and counseling, to improve myself, introspection, and hopefully get to the point where the strong feelings are negated, or at least minimalized, and I can 'logic my way out of it,' by thinking of things that I am good at or learning things about myself, and hopefully use to better the situation that I find myself in. This would mean, within a relationship, better communication with the other person and realization where some things might need to be changed.

Realize, though, that communication must be two way, perhaps there is something deeper happening in the relationship?