I don't get it. Please explain.

[Nester Delgado]

As some of you may have noticed, I've been occasionally flustered and agitated in the chat lately and I'd like to talk about it if just to clear my mind a little.

As many of you may know, I was living abroad in China for the last four years. I had a great life there. Lots of friends, a well paying job and a whole lot more.

Well, I gave all that up. Yay. To come back to the U.S. and try my hand here again. I missed all my good friends here, not to mention less butchered usage of the English language. What sucks is that I was only back home home with my friends for about two months before moving here to Boston. I hate it here. I can't find a good job to save my life and I have no friends because I have no money and therefore have no chance to meet anyone else. Sure, I meet people at parties sometimes, but nothing ever results from it. I have trouble relating to people a lot of the time. Thus, I never get to talk to anyone. I only have one coworker and everything I say goes way over her head. I have fellow writers who I'd LOVE to converse with at my magazine, but since I don't work at the office, I never see or talk to them unless via email.

FW has been my one last bastion of social...anything. You're the only people I have anything to say to. I don't even mind that we don't relate sometimes, it's just nice to have people to talk to. I've tried other sites, but the people here are the most interesting and genuine I've met. It's nice here.

What's been bothering me the most lately is an overwhelming sensation that I'm fading into the ether. I feel that nobody really cares about me anymore. I know some of you don't like me very much for personal things between you and I and that's fine. It's nice that you still say hello. But recently I've been bringing up stuff in the chat about things I feel are important to me and I just get ignored.

First it was my writing. I've been working on a story for a while now. One that has already gotten me much praise elsewhere, but no one has even seen it here. It's been in the forums for a while now. Personally, I don't care if you like it or if you don't. The point is that I consider many of you to be my friends and I wanted to share my work with you. I have no one irl to share this work with. Nobody. Oh, it's great that I have so many readers on other sites when I've only just begun to write the thing, but they don't mean the same as having just a few of you read them. The opinions of some anonymous readers mean nothing compared to those of a friend. If you don't understand that, fine.

More recently though, I finally posted a rl pic of me in the forums. I've always been really timid about posting a pic of myself just because I didn't want any one to recognize me or anything. The only other pic I posted was me with my face covered up, and even that took me a long time to be willing to post. Yet, I post the pic and I feel like there's no reaction. No one cares.

Yes. I know I'm being selfish. You don't have to tell me. But why can't I be a little selfish for attention when I don't even have a volleyball with a hand-print on it to talk to about the things that matter to me?

[Fen]

I can say I've had these feelings before. Though honestly they are more valid with you then they were for me when I had them.

I want to say though nester that the forums here aren't as active as other places. Though that is slowly changing I feel, with the addition of more users every week. And the more broad sense of roleplay outside of the chatroom.

While with the chat room, it has become larger as well. Many people will enter and simply be lost in the quickly moving text.

Anyway, I am here to talk if you need an ear to chew on. You've got my messenger.

[Nellie O.]

I feel badly that you're so distraught over your situation.  I don't know much about you or it.... I've been pretty absent and I'm afraid I don't speak too much even when I am around.

I saw the picture you posted in the RL pic thread, but.... it was a web of CG pics and then you were in there somewhere?  Even now I have no idea which one was you.  I wish you'd be a little more forthcoming with it... I know you're shy/insecure and worried about doing so but.... come on!    We're all friends here, even when we don't get along, and we'd all love to see (beyond doubt) who Nester is on the other side of the screen.

As for the other things..... I certainly don't want to trivialize any of your feelings.  They are all valid and certainly a part of the culture shock we all go through when we have a massive shift of our living situation.  Yours is even MORE massive, because of the nature of having left for so long, returning for so short a period, and then launching directly into unknown territory with little promise of reward.  I have to say, I admire your sense of adventure and enterprise in doing such and I am sorry it hasn't quite yielded results in a way you might have liked.

I can tell you that if nothing else, you'll always have a friend in me.  Add my new YIM (listed in my profile) so we can talk more frequently.  Sometimes, the difference can be made just by having one person to be really supportive of you.  Well, Nes, my door is always open.  <3 

TL;DR:  Life sucks, Mina's here. 

[Cheeky Stoat]

Nester, I always love chatting with you and it's true that I don't spend much time in the forums so I didn't know that you'd posted something here.  I talking with you about life and I'm sorry if I've been neglecting you lately with my awkward work schedule.

As for the picture you posted...I think I found the one that's actually you?  Honestly, I just thought you were messing around and giving us a vague description of yourself.  You hid too well as I have no idea exactly which one is you.

Once I get my laptop back I'll be back on the messengers and we can talk more than just in the chat. ^^

[Nester Delgado]

-Takes a deep breath-

Sorry. I apologize for going crazy like that. It's been a really stressful time in my life lately and I lost my head.

Like I said before, I don't have a lot of people I'd call friends right now in the real world (I rarely even talk to my parents :S), so I often find myself looking to you all for support whether it be for my stories, magazine work or anything else I might have going on. I think I was being a bit selfish in that want to the point of almost demanding attention and again I'm sorry.

And yes, I forgot people do have a hard time spotting me in that collage. That's the joke really. I Photoshoped myself in to the right of Sheppard. Fifth column, second row. I'll try to find the original pic and thank you all for the kind words.

[Fen]

It happens man. *hugs for the fox*

[Box]

When in doubt.... Quoll