Yup.. I guess I have joined this... wagon as well?... ^^;
I suppose I will use this part of FW to help me de-stress... as the life of a college student is nothing to joke at... especially when the student has had two major deaths in their life within 1/2 a months time in between each other.... So let's get going with all the crap that goes on in Drizzys life...
~*~Whelp to start off my 3rd year at my community college, life was going good... until I found out my friend since Elementary school, whose friendship has been rocky with since High school, decided basically push her hand in my face and go "LOOK WHAT MY FIANCE GOT ME!" Now... the thing about this girl is she has only been seeing this guy for 2 years... and doesn't even know everything about him... I know everything about him... He's an Ex-Marine... >.> Nuff said about the likes of him.. He's egotistical, rude, and for 28 years of age... he acts like he is 12. This man has always belittled me, thinking he and my friend were always better then me... (Pause)
((On a note.. I have been seeing my love of my life for 8 years at this point. Why 8 and not married?... We are romantics. We are waiting until that right time.. until the moon hits the earth just right... until our lives are ready and we have money to help us (Which, btw, he is on the verge of getting a new job! So I am so excited!) Our anniversary is February 14th, so come 2011, will be our 9th year together. ^^ ))
(Unpause) Now this guy of my friend would always type on Facebook, when I was talking to my friend.. and just my friend, and would ALWAYS yell at me like I was in the wrong and making her feel bad.... Okay, I admit I tried to show her there's better things in life than getting married right away. Her college career.. her future career... in like 5 days she managed to get EVERYTHING down about the wedding... Really?... She needed to have EVERYTHING ready for a wedding that is scheduled to be NEXT year? This made my green Giant inside me (envy) go crazy... how come she was the one to get the ring?... (pause)
(( I cannot wait to be able to live with my bf. It's my dream to be that wife that stays home to clean and cook... ^^; I just like making sure people are happy... I even have a wish to be a stay home mom... teach my kids at home since when I graduate college I will be an elementary teacher. ))
(Unpause) Away from the marriage ordeal. So... after having this happen, two major deaths in my family occur... The first at the end of September being my 18 year old cousin, Austin. He was so popular and widely known in his town that his whole school showed up for his funeral... hold up... you asked how he died?... well it wasn't that he was drunk, high, his vehicle was crap... he, in fact, was just going too fast... he went around a turn a little too fast, hit a telephone pole and instantly broken his neck... insta-death... He was set to graduate May of next year... 2011. In his place, my aunt and uncle will be walking on stage to receive his diploma and his cap/gown. He was a junior fireman, and in return, he got the best funeral service out there; A fireman's Funeral. Police cars, firetrucks, soluting... and at the end near his grave plot ((Which was originally going to be my uncles, since it was privately owned, he gave it to Austin)) was a giant American flag hanging high in the sky from a firetruck. Rest in piece my darling cousin, Austin. You may be gone, but never EVER forgotten. <3 A word to all who drive... do NOT speed... It gets you no where fast, except to maybe Heaven or Hell....
The second of deaths, which happened in the middle of October, was my grand grandmother Helen. I admit, she didn't have such a shock on me as my cousin did, being she was old in age... and it seemed more natural for her death to come. She didn't set a huge influence in my life... since I didn't grow up around her like I did with my cousin.
Both of these deaths have changed me... and to add to the bunch, my friends Fiance managed to Harass me one last time before I said I quit. She never took up for my side... she never told him to stop. He had enough balls to say that at least they were living together in an apartment... at least they were getting married... What were me and my BF of 8 years doing with our lives?... I found out why he wanted to get married... why he rushed it... He is 28 this year... my friend is 21.... he wanted to get married before he hit 30... I am sorry.. but he doesn't have a good job.. and my friend is still in college, working two jobs... going no where with her career, which is Pediatrics.
*takes a deep breath*
So.... I ended our friendship... She has ALWAYS been rude to me... I am just too stubborn to accept that she was never a good friend. We always fought for various reasons... I did something to aggravate her, I did something she didn't like... I am just being myself... She wanted me to change so I could be her lackey... someone insignificant in her life so I could lick and kiss her toes when she didn't like someone... her jester. I didn't appreciate it... and having two deaths just roll by me opened my eyes wide to see her scheme. As tiny as she is... she wanted to be that Queen Bitch she was... with all her followers and minions who devotes their lives to her. Well.. I caught myself just in time.. I refused the spot.. I quit and ended our friendship. (Pause)
((A long time ago, I did something she didn't like... well.. at this point we are in high school... I blogged on my myspace account how our drama teacher never bothered to give rolls to bigger people. So you know what she did?... She printed it out... and put it in his mailbox at school... She was in the wrong... and I trusted her. Of course she denied it was her... but I knew it was... and when we hit senior year of HS, she confessed she did it too. Another thing that happened: we were at her house, I had spent the night. Her parents asked her and her 2 brothers to help clean up the house while they were out. Simple request from the parental figures. Did they bother to move from the computer station or the couch? Nope. I got in and told her younger brothers to get up and help me clean. I turned the TV off and said we'll turn it back on when we have cleaned some. She got up off her lazy butt to basically yell at me and tell me not to boss her brothers around... that was HER job. Well... if it was her job... why was she on the computer, flirting with her bf, at the time, rather then getting up to help?... So being the bitch she was, she kicked me out of her house... with my things... I had to call my mother just to get her to pick me up... stupid, right? I know...))
(unpause) So... now here I am... trying to pass my classes... 4, plus a lab... so 5... It's alot.. but I know I have to drop one... as I fell so far behind it... Did you guys know that if you have a FAMILY EMERGENCY, you HAVE to let the professor know prior to class the next day?... really?... If my cousin and Great grand ma passed, you're going to make me get on the computer, type an email to you JUST to tell you where I have been?.. I can't tell you the day I come in?... Thanks for the concern, but if I am mourning, I won't be getting online just to type you a message...
So yeah... that's whats been happening lately... alot of stress... so if you start yelling at me or getting angry.. please note.. I am HIGHLY LIKELY to yell right back and get upset at you... I only have some nuts and bolts holding me down before I go into critical mode... so please be kind to me... as I tend to be nice in return... even if it seems like I am sarcastic at times....
Thanks for listening to me... my rants... my blog... my de-stressing... I hope to blog more to get more stress out of me... Thankies fellow furs and scalies... *purrs*
Drizzy <3
EDITED:
Thanks for those few on here who have let me into your hearts already... <3 it means alot... *hugs* BTW.. you know who you are. ^.~
Whelp.. I need to destress after talking to a friend of mine about his past and letting him know about mine... and what's a better way then to let you all know my past.. It may not be as horrible as some of you out there.. but.... in a way I deem it's horrible because part of my past no one should have placed on them.. it doesn't make you feel good... This is all from our conversation.. every last bit of it...
Warning.. some parts can be gruesome... but this is a place where I hope I can trust you all for letting me write this.. I need to get it out of my system somewhere.. and where is a better place then among my furry community.. where I feel accepted... Thank you all... <3
so.. here goes:
[spoiler]
Well.. of course to start with my childhood... what can I really say?.. I was your average chubby kid who all the kids hated, made fun of, laughed at me for being bigger then 'average'. I kept good grades, cept for the fact I had several surgeries all through out my life on my ears... tubes in, tubes out... back in.. back out.. then skin graphs done.. all because I had holes in my ear drums that caused me severe pain.. I would lay in bed each night in pain, crying because I couldn't hear people right.. or that everyone yelled at me, thinking I was ignoring them. Back to my time in elementary school... I did have a group of friends who didn;t care what I looked like.. we would larp Lion King or any famous disney movie out at the time... the playground was our playing field.. and we used it to the fullest each day we had recess. They were kids who looked at me without fear of being squashed.. or stepped on... True friends for but a child...
My parents were, and still are, the most awesome people in the world... they were never over protective of me, but then again, they didn't need to be, because I learned from all my oldest sisters mistakes... She was pregnant by 17 with her first daughter... I was 10 at the time... the guy who was the father was an arrogant asshole... We lived in a town house (my parents, sister and me..) and the guy would come over every day he could.. well.. one day they called me to the basement (my sisters room) and.. with my sisters acknowledgment... she would let him take avantage of me.. Thankfully I was never completely raped by him.. but he would still touch me and grope me.. rubbing his penis against me... at times he would even pull it out and make me touch it... At the time I was still in elementary school.. I didn't know what the hell a penis was... nor that what he was doing would have been classified as a form of rape... He was a year or two older then my sister.. so 18 or 19... I never told my parents because of what he would whisper me each and every night... What he would really do to me if I told... I was scared of him.. just like I was scared of my sister.. I literally kept a bat in my room for fear that she would come in my room and kill me... She is suicidal/depressive/ADHD.. all that good stuff put together in one body... she would constantly take knives out and threaten my parents with it.. me with it.. and she would cut herself as well.. she would hit the walls busting them... she would throw punches to me even if I did nothing to her.
I remember this one time she took the phone out of my moms hand because she wanted to use it.. and my mom was on it.. mom had to go to the hospital because my stupid ass sister beat my mom in the back of the head with it... busted the skin, some of the skull... mom had to get stitches.. I was laying more so scared of her than anything... My sister also had to go to Shepherd Pratt (mental hospital) several times in her life due to her illness... She did alot of stuff to mess me up.. usually just threatening me.. words.. until she brought a knife out... always a knife... big carving knives. *Shakes her head* Middle school was easy for me... never in my whole time in any grade had I been in trouble.. except once in elementary school for saying a stupid word... 'meheco' (meh-he-co to make fun of Mexico.. well not make fun of.. but I heard it from somewhere and thought it was funny to say it...) outloud after a lesson.. >.> Yeah.. I know..
But.. middle and high school were perfect for me.. though I still had rude immature people making fun of me.. making fun of my flaws.. boosting my self esteem way low... never once did I want to kill myself for all they said.. I took it all out in video games, crying, or drawing. I began drawing back in elementary school.. pokemon, digimon.. sailor moon and DBZ.. I was a real nerd, even in elementary! heh..
Love life?.. My first crush was my next door neighbor in elementary school.. didn't last because he ended up almost drowning me in our community swimming hole... Damn boy couldn't swim and decided to use me as a floatation device... He didn't last, let's just say... I had multiple LDR... none worked out because I was too 'fat' for them... they weren't looking for whales to date... One of them actually cheated on me with a middle school friend of mine... without either of us knowing.. he stated to us both we 'were only friends'...
Met my current boyfriend, now fiance, in middle school, in 8th grade.. it was the yu-gi-oh card game club.. and he was 3 years older than me. He had permission from our principal to join us every week, since he lived near the school and his best friend is 3 years younger then him, same grade as me. The moment I walked in, he pointed and yelled "DO YOU LIKE INU YASHA!?" which stunned me... heh.. he was always a clown when I was around.. To be honest, he was the first person to really make me feel loved.. he didn't care what I looked like.. he liked that I was into anime.. that I drew.. that I did the same things he did.
I got into the RP community back in late elementary, early middle school years.. where my first partner stayed with me up until all but.. 3 years ago.. we lost communications with each other. hmmm..
High school was amazing.. I was in the chorus, drama club.. I loved home economics and fashion.. My last year of high school I was 3rd lead in the school play.. all cause my weight fit the character perfectly... regardless.. I loved drama... they were a second family for me. I had lots of fights and arguments with friends that came and went... some disowned me as a friend for immoral reasons that I didn't deem fair enough, but which ever.. I grew and learned from them.. didn't need them...
After high school I went straight to college in hopes of becoming an Art Teacher.. being I didn't have a 'great portfolio' I couldn't become one.. and it would take me a longer time to get one set up then to just get my degree as an elementary teacher. So.. here I am now, 4th year of college... close to getting my associates... then to work on my bacholors and masters... and well.. I met you (My friend) and alot of others from FW and I can actually say I am pretty happy in life.. I have people who I love, who love me back, who I can actually say I can live for.... mmm.. I.. I think that's all...[/spoiler]
Thanks guys... *bows deeply*
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing all of that with us, Drizelda.
I can only imagine the pain and fear your childhood must have been characterized by, and I realize that it can be hard to forget the ways in which you have been wronged by people who were supposed to love you. But let me just speak on behalf of everyone here when I say that I think we are all lucky to know you. You have such a bright personality and a positive outlook in spite of all of that, and you bring a smile to my face every time we talk.
Love you, snowcat. <3