This one made me Lol so much last time
"I thought you had the keys to the hand cuffs"
"Did you fart?"
"Can you hurry up, my other lover will be over in 10 minutes"
"HAHAHA oh wow! It's so small!"
"Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs! "
"Now make me a sammich."
"Your Daughter gives better head"
"Was that it...?"
"Where you the same girl as when I was drunk?"
(For the ladies ;V) "I feel like there's something I've been forgetting.... OH SHI--!
"Don't worry, the doctor says it's only contagious if the sores are pussy."
"Is it in yet?"
Saying a name other than your mate >.>
" Did I leave the iron on ?"
"On second Idea, turn off the lights"
"Hey baby do you know where your paperbag with the mouth hole went?"
*I am not sure if that is you or just a fat roll but it feels SOOOOOO good*
"Wait, did I go already?"
Did that just come out of you?
I'm oddly craving fish. What about you?
"Can we try tail sex this time? I really need to get off tonight."
"From this angle you look just like my (insert name of relative here.)"
" Is it just me.. or does my grandmother suck better then you do? "
I'm gonna... I think I'm... I'm gonna... puke...
Holy shi-oh no wait, nevermind, that's just you.
"Get the hell off."
"Move out of the way I can't see the TV."
"You aren't doing it right, move I'll show you."
"You're going to put what in where?!"
"Just stick it in and get it over worth.. "
"Yepp okay now get out of my room.. "
It's okay. Size isn't everything.
"Hahahaha..That tickled."
"Mmm, talk to me like your dad."
"C'mere puppet boy... make yer daddy talk!"
(sorry had to :P )
" Wow.. you have more then one blow hole.."
"oh wow, are you really that wet, or did you just use the restroom on yourself?"
Quote from: ridingdragon on January 02, 2011, 05:53:48 AM
"oh wow, are you really that wet, or did you just use the restroom on yourself?"
"Yes"
"Oops..."
yeah, I think it's in
"Make it quick; I've got another appointment at 8:15."
"That's all?"
"OH GOD IT BURNS!"
"Why do I Itch? T.T GOD I am so itchyyyyy."
"My brother thinks you're cute...mind if I lend you to him? we share everything~!"
Luke. I am your father.
"NACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"YEAH TOAST!"
"...aaaaand boom goes the firework."
Spooooooooooooooooooonn!!
falling asleep while yiffing
"Who loves orange soda?!?!?"
.....
"....Kel loves orange soda?"
"So how long is this going to take? I have a spa appointment in 20 minutes.. "
-in Butt-head's voice- "Hey baby...Come to Qaja."
"Oh, sorry, I thought you were your sister. Didn't mean to wake you"
" Alright whatever.. just wake me when you're done. "
"Ow! Something in there bit me!"
"No, there isn't an app for THAT!"
"What's this? I don't think I like this, make it go away."
"Did you just fart?"
Suddenly remembering the name of a song or actor while yiffing and screaming it out. Example:
"Ah! Linger by the Cranberries! That was it!"
"..... what?"
"Wait you're a girl(guy)?"
Why does this mattress smell like cat piss?
oh, i thought you wanted to give me candy?
Hold on, I need to turn off the lights. No, not for me, for you, I can't get it up otherwise.
"You taste just like my sister!"
"That better be the waterbed leaking."
"Are you sure you're clean?"
"Yeah, I'm POSITIVE!"
Hahahaha..wait what? It wasn't suppose to tickle?
"Are you in yet?"
"Is it Wednesday today?" Apparently my fiancee's girlfriend asked her boyfriend that while they were having sex.
"Whoa...you have HUGE nipples"
What a lady shouldn't say when having sex with someone:
"Can dog saliva change your PH in your vagina?"
"Woooooah! I'm half way there!"
"You sure?... But then... Why the hell DO they call cat's pussies?! Worked fine for me!!"
"Alright lets try it without the scabs."
"Get off me, grandma, I'm done!"
An epic Tucker Max quote:
Jaime "But...I like normal sex."
Tucker "Everyone's doing anal. It's the new black."
"And then the surgeon removes the retinal lens from the eye. "
Yes! 10 points! I struck gold!... No.. not you baby... in my nose, of course!
"... This isn't where I parked my car."
"Almost as good as your mom...and aunt...and sister..."
"You mean Metal Gear can launch nukes?"
"This is just like one of my Japanese animes!!!"
Male- "Mmmm... Amy!"
Female- "Amy?... Isn't that your sister?... >.>"
(Incest FTW XD)
Friendly spy-plane inbound.
"But it was a really nice carpet..."
" Would you bend over and let me stick this frozen wiener up your ass too?"
"If you look at it with the right angle it looks like grizzly adams."
*Girl looks to the guy she is sucking off, his bush against her lip*
Guy- From up here, you kinda look like Hitler... *Snicker snort*
Girl- D:<
" Do you smell weird.. ".. " Oh don't worry , the doctor says it might not be contagious.. " ... " D:"
Oh yes! Now what was your name again? What do you mean we've been together for years? That's not a name.
You love me and will do anything for me? Okay, well, I got these hemorrhoids bugging me~
" Hold it.. hold it.. hold it... TORPEDO'S INBOUND!! "
"Oh I'm gonna cuuuuum I think we should see other people.
"How about we call it quits and I give you an A for effort, teach?"
" Sweet heart, I'm no expert.. but I don't think I'm suppose to smell you from all the way up here.. "
Enemy dogs inbound.
"HE SHOOTS HE SCORES!"
*Crack* Aw, I broke the Cadbury Creme egg. Oh, that was you? Then what was... Ohhhhh.
"Take that hymen!"
" Who would you do for a Klondike bar.. "
No, really, I thought you meant like in you when you said 'get off'
" I wonder what this gummy bear would taste like being eating out of your arm pit."
Frodo, give me the ring!
" And next time.. Don't forget the onion rings."
"Yes! High score!"
" So where do I insert the coin??.. "
"New hardware found."
" Condom installation 10 %... 50%.. 99% ... instalation failed.. " *pulls condom off and tosses it away.*
"Wait...both parts?!"
Don't worry I'll just ope... Why won't you open for me damn vile thing !!
What do you mean you won't let me pee in your butt?!
Don't worry I " THINK " That's what I put on..
These condoms are great! It feels like I can't feel a thing! Oh wait, I didn't put it on.
This reminds me of the time my grandpa took me out fishing.
Mind over matter, I think I'm positive about this...so I am sure I am positive...uh oh.
Hm...there sure is a lot of room in here.....
...wait, who is that and where did he come from?
"now you're fucking with portals!"
"Open the pod bay doors Hal!"
"these are not the condoms you're looking for"
"avast! I'm on tah swab yer poop deck!"
BOOMER!
"Little bunny foo foo hopping through the forest~"
Fursuiter 1: "Your a man!?"
Fursuiter 2: "Your not!?"
What do you mean the power drill is better?!!!
This is totally not was I was expecting..
"Did you just break a lamp?"
So, you're telling me it totally was a banana in your pocket?
So...what is a hermaphrodite?
So when is it suppose to start being fun?
"is it supposed to be red?"
"MAIN GUN READY! FIRE!!"
" Oh by the way you owe me 100 dollars after this.."
"I can't let you do that uh . . . what was your name again?"
" Who the hell are you and how the hell did you get in me?"
"Damn...went wet noodle again."
"Do you mind if I check my facebook while we do this?"
"Can I go back to my quicksave?"
"Wheres the suprise?"
"wait Wikipedia says I . . . oh that's icky!"
" So you give receipts right? "
"Cleanup on Aisle three!"
... "Wait, what's Aisle three?"
" So you're alright if I go do your sister too after we're done here right?"
"Now I know for a fact I'm gay..."
" I was more into this before we stared. "
"I should've gone to the toilet before we started... Into scat play, by any chance?"
I'm sorry.. i thought you where your mom.
"oh baby, oh yeah oh STAN! . . . oh I'm sorry babe, you're Lisa . . . no I'm not gay, really"
are you sure thats where I'm suppose to stick it? I mean I've never seen anything like it before.
Here's one that's funny from both sides of the gender divide...
"Why the fuck does that thing have TEETH?!"
"Yiffing"
Seriously, that word is such a turn off for me, it sounds too silly. If anyone said they were yiffing me the sex would be over.
That aside, sticking to topic:
"Oh my god I knocked the candles over PUT IT OUT-" (http://www.3sigma.com/wp-content/uploads//2011/04/burning-house.gif)
"Could you hand me the yeast infection medication?"
"Wait, this isn't mayonnaise?"
Got another one.
"Do you really need sing Bananarama songs in bed?"
" So I've been thinking a lot lately about thinks that begin with F.. like Failure."
"... Did that thing just YAWN at me?!"
" Oh, Should I have told you about that before we started?"
"When I said I was a positive person, I meant HIV!"
" Oh you meant that type of of Loving... "
(lol, I just thought of this one)
"But that's where poop comes from!"
What do you mean I can't put this there..
"Off with the button and down with the zipper, now say hello to Mr. Penis!...hey where did it go?"
"One testicle! Ah-Ha-Ha! TWO testicles! Ah-Ha-Ha! Three testicles! Ah-Ha-H-WHATTHEHELL?! Three? Oh hell no. This Count is -out-."
" Would you sit still and let me finish my game of Cribbage first.."
"Oh...you're straight...Well so is spaghetti until it gets hot!"
"Not the ass? You're a man! Where else am I supposed to shove the gerbil?!"
MY BOYFRIEND'S HOME hidequick
Look, this raid will only take another ten minutes, just keep blowing till then!
That ratcheting sound is just walls. I've got them held together by an erector set.
While on a plane. " See? See the wing? It isn't supposed to do that."
"Keep the ears on! Keep the ears aaaaahhhhnnnnnn damn. Too late."
Oh shit! He grabbed the shot gun!
Yes that is my finger in your ear. And I'm not moving it.
Yeah. The doctor did a pretty convincing job, didn't he?
That isn't supposed to be outside of the body.
You remind me of my dad.
Mom doesn't like it if I don't turn on the camera before we start.
You might wanna keep an eye out for my dog. Fido's been feeling spunky lately.
So -that's- what a Blue Waffle looks like.
"Hmm. Seems I've earned my red belt."
*While girl is finishing you off* "I have to tweet this..."
"What do you mean my cock looks like cauliflower?"
"Is it in yet?" Responded with "Its been in for an hour..."
"Twilight is a better love story than this..."
*Marine quick march song* "I don't know, but I've been told, your pus-sy is mighty cold."
"Thanks for shaving me babe, its so much easier to spot the little bastard now."
"Wait, what do you -mean- 'you people' ?"
"I was cleaning it, and it went off!"
"MOoooOOom! Cookies and Milk can wait until after! Get outta here!" *shoos mother away*
"So I sez to Mable, I sez..."
"One little, two little, three little crabby-bugs.."
and finally
"Wow...it really -is- like a clown car!"
Mentioning any one of the MLP characters by name (guys this applies more towards you as being creepy whereas a woman would seem awkward) or any references to Smurfs.
"..... and that's the aristocrat!!!"
"Excuse me, but what the fuck is that?"
" no... I mean I reeeeeeeeeeeeally like fruit." ;)
"it goes where?!?"
"Okay...but don't tell dad, alright sis?"
No..noo.... here... let me just show you.
Mom?
Am I in yet?
OH MY GOD!!!
"Ok, what is that?"
Can you hurry up? I have to pee!
I've only done this with my sock.
The sock was tighter.
Quote from: Cynergi on April 25, 2013, 09:58:45 PM
The sock was tighter.
Oh my fucking god. Dying. XDD
Uh, uh.. I can't even think of a cumback.
Wait....is that your pinkie finger?
Have you found our lord the creator jesus the christ?
Make it quick. My husband just pulled up....
Make it quick, my husband just pulled out.
he has the Shotgun!
Dont worry about the bumps. Its not contagious.
I can hear the cricket outside laughing at you.
They called you what in highschool?! Cuffknuckles?!?
How many of those are down there?
Your dad is a better lover......
why does it smell like that for?
Have you ever seen (insert you best friend's name here) naked? He is fucking huge!
Wow! This is almost as good as when I did it with your sister.
I am thinking of becoming a lesbian.....
I think I am gay....
When is this supposed to feel good?
I think you are too loose...
You woke me up for that?
Wait, I missed it. I was asleep.
Quiet! My mom's a light sleeper.
No don't roll over...my wife is still asleep.
Oh don't worry. He is real friendly for a Doberman Pincer. Might wanna keep the blanket on though......
whoa...why is your dog starring at me like that for?
Red Rocket!
Aww good for you....is it my turn yet?
Fuck a baby into me!
This hand of mine is BURNING RED! Its loud roar tells me to grasp victory! ERUPTING BURNING FINGER!
"Do a barrel roll!"
(I think someone has said that, but I wanted to anyway ^_^)
Dirty Sanchez!!!!
I gotta level up my endurance more.
This one time...at band camp....
heh your dog is bigger than you are.
You taste like snozberries.
You're hung like an Oompa Loompa
you are about as queer as a two dollar bill aren't ya
That does it! I am joining the Circus!
Are you seriously dressed like a clown...
Bozo is hung like the fat lady...who is really just a fat guy...who is still bigger than you
I have had better sex with a blow up doll...
The Blow-up doll smelled better....
I fucked the blow up doll on our honeymoon after you fell asleep drunk!
I pooped.....
ughh...I just threw up a little bit..
It mixed with the poop....
Are you sure I am in the right hole.....
Damn it, Gabriel! What did I tell you about that!?!
But you said I could tonight....
Hey. You ever tried Skull fucking a person?
Heh, i hope you are ready baby... I'm gonna dick you down all night!
What does the fox say?
I have this weird looking rash......
I think you need to see a doctor about that...
ever use a banana after it has been in the freezer?
No, not since i got freezer burn on my left testicle...
OH SHIT! Don't make....any sudden moves.....
Umm...wy are the cops knocking on your door again....
*Cums*
Now that I have your attention I would like to take this opportunity to talk to you about Life Insurance......
Oh wow. Can I bring some people over to try this with too?
*sticks chopsticks up his nose and pretends to be a walrus*
I AM A ROBOT
This would work if your cock was bigger.
Say goodbye to your Jhorblochs.
...And I thought your sister was tight!
Enjoy your new STD
Welcome to the Aids quilt...
I am actually your sister. We were separated at birth.
Our babies are gonna look retarded...
This is only a dream
Huh....Feels just like a whopper from burger king.
Well.....that was fast.....
Shit! I'm missing Barney and friends!
Let me get my Teletubby costume
Can you stick your finger up my butt and call my a girl..
One last time before the gangrene sets in for good...
heh the shit I've got won't come off with a wire brush...be ready for the burn
I am actually a circus clown.....
Your vagina looks a little blue...
what do you mean it looks a little blue? Oh Smurf it all to Smurf.....
Call me Mitt Romney
Call me Hilliary Clinton
Gangnam Style!
i have 23 points on flappy bird
Welcome to blue waffle wenseday....
I crushed mah berries
I-i'm 'bout ta-DOCTOR WHO!
Oh god....so do I slap the wave and ride in or what...
Hmmm.....you might wanna break out your spelunking gear.
do you have headlamps...its pretty dark in there...
To bodly go wh- OH MY GODS!
and that's why I have a prosthetic dick...
r u av'n a gigl ther m8
il bash ur hed in i sware on me nan
Aww.....the batteries died!
batteries heh...no this is a wind up...
I don't remember the last time I cleaned that.....
Its just a flesh wound...I feel fine!
wait a minute...why does this feel like a giant scab
I used to be a vampire jiggalo like you...then I took a dawnguard silvered bolt to the crotch...:P
It's time for teh butt secks!
So that's why you are wearing that strap on...but we forgot the lube...
So...do you want to mix up the livestock birthing agent or should I?
I found the Viagra!
Umm...that isn't Viagra...its my herpes medicine...
Now that I have your attention.....Have you heard about Jesus Christ? *produces a bible*
^ Spin off of the one above.
"I'm here to talk about my lord and savior Cthulu.
Wow! When you're naked you look just like my (Insert direct blood relation relative here) !"
Really you do it like that? Your mother did it different.
Who are you?
Wait, then who is this?
Dear god, what is that? Is that a tumor or is that your penis?
feels a Like a hallway.
Hah! It looks like a little hot dog!
I need to wipe first.....
Don't move...theres a trantula on your left tit!
I love you mommy
Oh god, its all itchy now!
Why.. is there a cookie in here?
So that is where Mr. Squeakers went......oh he isn't moving.....
Lemmiwinx, Lemmiwinx, through the gay man's ass!
wanna see my fake yu-gi-oh cards like right now?
Oops...Gramma got out agin!
This feels exactly like prison...
Donkey Punch!
Feels like sandpaper! :'(
Wanna see my trantula?
Is that my tooth brush?
Dirty Sanchez
Its time for the Bulgarian Mudslide!
Grit your teeth, grab a pillow, and get your ass ready!
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not yell, I'm going in dry!!
And when we are done......dinner time.
wanna see my creamy collection of dank memes
Directly in the middle of yiffing?
You know I always found it so strange that your mom as a cheetah your dad was an otter and you turned out to be a dragon-folf hybrid, how did that happen Monicca
God....are you done yet. Getting bored now.
Well this feels kinda mediocre...
Your brother is bigger
Your sister is tighter!
By the way...what is an STD?
Oops.
And boom goes the dynamite!
the dynamite went boom? I didn't feel a thing!
Neither did I
That's what your mom said, when I shaved her back!
That was your dad's ass
Not as tight as your sister's vagina!
I don't have a sister. That was the dog.
we don;t have a dog. The cat was licking your butt.
You know what? Fuck this! I'm going to Clown College!
Afterward I am cutting it off and keeping it in the back of the freezer
Don't worry, the oozing usually stops after a minute.
Meh........I've seen bigger.
Echo! Echo~ echo...
"Don't worry, baby, the condom just broke, but I can pull out!"
Baaaaaahh~~ (https://www.emojibase.com/resources/img/emojis/apple/x1f411.png.pagespeed.ic.CjicEvyXpI.png)
"Shit, mom's home."
Daddy! *as he walks in on you* This is my new boyfriend......
"The War of 1812 (which lasted from 1812 to 1814) was a military conflict between the United States and Great Britain. As a colony of Great Britain, Canada was swept up in the War of 1812 and was invaded a number of times by the Americans. The war was fought in Upper Canada, Lower Canada, on the Great Lakes and the Atlantic, and in the United States. The peace treaty of Ghent, which ended the war, largely returned the status quo. However, in Canada, the war contributed to a growing sense of national identity, including the idea that civilian soldiers were largely responsible for repelling the American invaders. In contrast, the First Nations allies of the British and Canadian cause suffered much because of the war; not only had they lost many warriors (including the great Tecumseh), they also lost any hope of halting American expansion in the west, and their contributions were quickly forgotten by their British and Canadian allies.
The origins of the War of 1812 were in the conflict that raged in Europe for almost two decades after Napoleon Bonaparte became First Consul (later Emperor) of France. These Napoleonic Wars (1799–1815) caused Great Britain to adopt measures that greatly aggravated the United States.
On 21 November 1806, Napoleon ordered a blockade of shipping (the Berlin Decree) aimed at crippling British trade. He ordered all European ports under his control closed to British ships and further decreed that neutral and French ships would be seized if they visited a British port before entering a continental port (the so-called Continental System).
Great Britain responded to Napoleon with a series of orders-in-council requiring all neutral ships to obtain a licence before they could sail to Europe. Following the victory of Lord Nelson at Trafalgar on 21 October 1805, Great Britain had the sea power to enforce its blockade of France.
For many years the Americans had grappled with the problems of being a neutral nation in the great European war. Tensions mounted as the British began stopping American ships from trading in Europe. Even more vexing was the British practice of searching American vessels for "contraband" (defined by the British as goods they declared illegal) and of searching for deserters who had fled the harsh conditions of the Royal Navy. Many of these deserters had taken jobs on American ships, but American certificates of citizenship made no impression on the British. Moreover, some British captains even tried to impress (seize) native-born Americans and put them into service on British ships.
These maritime tensions exploded, literally, in 1807 off the shore of Chesapeake Bay. While a British naval squadron was watching the area for French ships, several British sailors deserted and promptly enlisted in the American navy. The captain of the American 38-gun frigate Chesapeake knew that he had deserters on board when HMS Leopard tried to board and search his ship. When the Chesapeake refused to heave to, the 50-gun Leopard opened fire, killing three and injuring 18 of the crew. The British boarded and seized four men. This "Chesapeake Affair" outraged even temperate Americans. Several years later, on 1 May 1811, officers from the British ship HMS Guerriere impressed an American sailor from a coastal vessel, causing further tension.
This dispute over maritime rights might have been resolved with diplomacy; in fact, the new British government of Lord Liverpool rescinded the orders-in-council a few days before the US declared war, though the news hadn't reached America in time. Moreover, not all Americans wanted war with Great Britain, notably the merchants of New England and New York.
However, President James Madison was intrigued by the analysis of Major General Dearborn that in the event of war, Canada would be easy pickings – even that an invasion would be welcomed by the Canadians. Furthermore, the "War Hawks," a group of Congressmen from the south and west, loudly demanded war. Motivated by Anglophobia and nationalism, these Republicans encouraged war as a means to retaliate against Britain for the economic distress caused by the blockade, and for what they perceived as British support for the First Nations in resisting American expansion into the West. On 18 June 1812, President Madison signed a declaration of war against Great Britain, supported by both the Senate and Congress.
As American leaders planned their invasion of Canada, they quickly decided that Upper Canada was the most vulnerable to attack. The Atlantic provinces were protected by British sea power, and Lower Canada was protected by its remoteness and by the fortress of Québec. In contrast, Upper Canada seemed to be an easy target. The population was predominantly American and the province was lightly defended.
Upper Canada was defended by about 1,600 British regulars, formed mostly from the 41st Regiment of Foot and detachments from other units. However, the badly outnumbered British were in fact better prepared than the Americans knew. The 41st Regiment of British regulars had been reinforced by a number of militia units (although their loyalty and reliability was uncertain). The Provincial Marine controlled Lake Ontario. Much of the preparation was thanks to the foresight of Major-General Sir Isaac Brock, administrator of Upper Canada. Brock had a thorough grasp of the challenges of the upcoming conflict and had been preparing for five years, reinforcing fortifications, training militia units and, perhaps most important, developing alliances with the First Nations.
Like most commanders, Brock was dissatisfied by the number of troops at his disposal, with only some 1,600 regulars in the province. But he was not prepared to simply wait passively for the Americans to act. He believed that a bold military stroke would galvanize the population and encourage the First Nations to come to his side. He therefore sent orders to the commanding officer of Fort St. Joseph on Lake Huron to capture a key American post at Michilimackinac Island on 17 July. The force of 46 British soldiers and 400 Aboriginal warriors captured the fort quickly and without bloodshed.
Meanwhile, an American force under General William Hull had crossed from Detroit into Canada, forcing Brock to quickly march his men from the town of York to counter the invasion. When he arrived at the British fort at Amherstburg, Brock found that the American invasion force had already withdrawn to Detroit. With the great Shawnee chief Tecumseh at his side, he boldly demanded that Hull surrender Detroit, which the hapless general did on 16 August, in effect giving the British control of Michigan territory and the Upper Mississippi.
At this point Thomas Jefferson's remark that the capture of Canada was "a mere matter of marching" returned to haunt Washington. Having lost one army at Detroit, the Americans lost another at Queenston Heights (13 October 1812) after their militia refused to cross into Canada, citing the constitutional guarantee that it would not have to fight on foreign soil. (However, during the engagement Brock was killed – a significant loss to the British and Canadian cause.)
A new American army under William Henry Harrison struggled up from Kentucky to try to retake Detroit. One wing was so badly mauled at Frenchtown (22 January 1813) by a force of British, Canadians and First Nations under Lieutenant-Colonel Henry Procter, that further attempts at invasion that winter were abandoned. The only Americans in Canada were prisoners of war.
With the death of Brock, British strategy was to act defensively and allow the invaders to make mistakes. Governor Sir George Prevost husbanded his thin forces carefully, keeping a strong garrison at Québec and sending reinforcements to Upper Canada only when additional troops arrived from overseas.
I'm gonna cum."
So tell me more about my stocks in cow manure
Well, that's one way to reunite with your long lost father.♡
"...I think it broke off."
*while eating someone out*
Where'd my gum go?