"I am the lucid dream... The monster in your nightmares. The fiend of a thousand faces. Cower before my true form! Bow down before the god of death!" -- Yogg-Saron
So, I thought it might be an interesting thing to do to catalogue the things that I see. As some of you may know, though most of you won't likely, I experience hallucinations (which I affectionately call "hals" for the sake of saving time). Some of them are intense, but they usually meld themselves into my daily life without much effort. Not entirely sure what causes them, honestly don't care. Sometimes they've violent, sometimes they're quite pleasant. Usually the former though.
I have a small notepad I keep on me at all times and my phone or pocket watch, which are synchronised. I record the time at which I see a hal, it's type (Audio or Visual, sometimes both), the content of the hal, and the duration. I try to get the duration exact, but sometimes it's an approximation due to me not being able to pay attention to these things at every given moment. I have stuff to do, you know.
The format will be in the following manner:
[Time in 24hr]: [Hal classification (A/V/AV)]- [Hal content][Hal duration].
Feel free to question or comment if you would like. Or don't, it doesn't make much difference to me.
Sunday 28th April, 2013
0804: V- Image of a grey severed hand floating in mid-air. Had a single, blinking eye on each fingertip and bright green thorny vines slowly emerging from the wrist. 4min duration, no associated audio.
0947: A- Sound of a train's wheels screeching, as though it were braking hard. 19min duration.
1114: A- Voices of degradation, insisting I step into traffic and end pathetic existence. Voices are barely above whisper, overpower all other ambient sounds. 69min duration.
1509: V- Image of dog missing its skin dragging innards along road, looked as though it was in pain. Unknown duration, was leaving area. No associated audio.
1549: V- Silhouette of man dancing wildly. 2min duration, no audio associated.
1600: AV- Man screaming as he cuts into his arms and legs with what appeared to be a razor blade while standing. Voices of degradation emerge simultaneously, urging self-harm. 5min duration.
1922: A- Sound of books being rifled through. 22min duration.
Monday 29th April, 2013
0625: V- Small metal spiders crawling over desk, each about 3cm long, silver in appearance. 9min duration.
1215: A- Sound of someone tapping an object rapidly against a tabletop. 15min duration.
1555: A- Voices of degradation overlapping with one another, unable to determine what each is saying but hear keywords such as "kill", "murder", "bleed" and "hate" repeated many times. 22min duration.
Tuesday 30th April, 2013
0713: V- Small finch flying around room, passing through walls and window. Red and black in colour. 4min duration, no associated audio.
0819: AV- Assuming same finch returned, though now skeletonized. No longer passes through walls and windows, instead hits wall and scratches against it. 16min duration.
1011: V- Red leaves falling through ceiling, turned to ash and faded away before they hit the ground. 24min duration, no associated audio.
1044: A- Sound of glass breaking and then being trodden on, as though someone was breaking windows and crushing fragments into smaller pieces. 45min duration.
1313: A- Sound of various alarms and bells. 18min duration.
Wednesday 1st May, 2013
1409: A- Sound of large insects flying around. 10min duration.
1442: V- Images of large insects. Variants of real insects with prismatic colouring and vastly increased size. Dragonflies, wasps and beetles amongst others. 14min duration.
1737: AV- Dog laying on its side whining in pain, reason for pain unclear. Dog appeared to die approx. 8 mins before hal ended. 88min duration.
Thursday 2nd May, 2013
0914: V- Grey hand with embedded eyes and thorns once again, though seems to have grown further from the wrist to extend approx. 10cm down the forearm. Fingers flex and eyes ooze black fluid. May be sign of new recurring hal. 9min duration.
1014: AV- Man banging his fist and head against a wall, yelling angrily. Unsure about what, not in English. Screams in pain and image shatters. 5min duration.
1312: A- Sound of hard-soled shoes on floor in large building, lots of echo, sound like single person walking. 12min duration.
1741: V- Small silver ball hovers in mid-air before melting into puddle onto floor and self-immolating. 2min duration.
Friday 3rd May, 2013
0814: V- Clockwork mechanism floating in mid-air moving slowly without purpose. 9min duration.
0948: V- Silver metal spiders appear again, size uniform to previous hals. Spiders crawl over desk and bed. 22min duration.
1329: A- Voices of degradation, once again urging self-harm, specifically cutting. 49min duration.
1603: V- Black veins appear on left hand, thorns sprout from veins and continue to grow. 4min duration.
2216: A- Sound of breaking glass, similar to large-pane plate window being shattered. 14min duration.
2315: A- Sound of man screaming angrily on other side of wall, words unintelligible. 28min duration.
Saturday 4th May, 2013
No events.1
1This happens on occasion. Not often, but it's a pleasant reprieve that never lasts long enough.
Since Monday of this past week, my hallucinations have peaked as they do from time to time, becoming more violent, lasting longer, and producing migraines. I'll be ceasing posting here until they reside as I do believe that the contents would be too disturbing. Those who know me surely realise the gravity of that claim.
These read like the opening to some sort of psychotic novel. Very clinical, but vivid enough to make you a little uncomfortable when you consider the reality of the situation, and what it would be like to experience some sort of exposure to it first hand.